Konichiwa bitches. I'm looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If you think your interested, hit me up!
A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My buddy is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.
I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesday's with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!
Sometimes my other roomate plays guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! He'll take requests and learn any song you like, because he thinks he has the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor and Johnny Cash. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!
Are you interested in my pad? I'm taking being a landlord/housemate to the next level. Email me! Hook me up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, pictures of karate trophies. If you want a next-generation housemate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. JK Don't need any of that info except the karate throphies. Maybe a discount if your a black belt and can double as my home security system. Lease is flexible. Shit I'll leave it up to you...just give me fair notice. Please put I'M DOWN in the subject of your Email, I wont reply to a random email address cause your probably a spammer and I eat that shit! Also, I have a dog, so you must like dogs.
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